the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
