the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
