honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
