Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
