oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
