Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
