I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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