i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
