So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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