haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
third nipple confirmed
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
