there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
