His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
