I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He? As in you personified your dick?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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