I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
They took my balls.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
