Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
