At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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