I am puke
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
