The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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