We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
