He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
