garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
