There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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