I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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