And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
