so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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