I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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