I wanna passion pit in your ass
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
