Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
