You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
