Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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