Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize