I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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