theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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