I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
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she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
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My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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