Don't you send me to vm
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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