she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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