There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
