I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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