I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
