so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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