Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
