theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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