i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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