I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i came on her dog
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
