I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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