So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
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