No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
