I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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