who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I supernannyed him into submission
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
