I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
