I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We have so much sex to catch up on
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
