i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
It's shark week go big or go home
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
