You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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