Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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