his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
