I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
