i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Terrible idea I love it
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
