Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
