Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
